Saturday, August 9, 2014

6 Years of Marriage and What It's Taught Us

Today marks 6 years of marriage celebrated between David and I. 6 years! Wow, it seems so crazy to me. I am pretty sure if anyone who's been married for say a quarter of a century or so read this, they are probably chuckling at me and thinking to themselves, "She doesn't even know." Still our six years have encapsulated so much beauty, growth, and transformation.

Last night I remarked to him that although in some ways it has gone pretty fast, it also already feels like forever. I then noted how much our lives have changed as this morning I instructed my 2 year old to go make his poop, so we could get dressed and started with our day. Marriage changes you, but in so many good ways as you leave your individuality behind and transform into one flesh.

We aren't the silly early 21 and 23 year old anymore. Yes, we are still just as nerdy (if not more so), yes, we still love to dance, and yes, our Faith holds us strong. Our marriage, however, has changed us in ways I hadn't really expected when I said "I do" 6 years ago. Lessons have been learned, I've been humbled and grown as a result, and as we've both let our individuality die, our one-ness has increased. If this is 6 years, I look forward to seeing what the next many decades can do.

So, obviously we don't know everything or even near to it, but last night David and I sat down and came up with 6 things we wanted to share that we have learned since our wedding day. We're still on the path towards holiness and obviously don't have these down pat, but we aim for our best.

Different isn't wrong, it's just different. Whether it be the way you fold your shirts, the way you pack for a vacation, or the way you deal with family snafus, both you and your spouse will enter the marriage with a set way of how you did things before. Then you have to determine how, in your household, things will be done. We're both pretty stubborn (I think I am a bit more so), and this is something we apply to many of our arguments in an attempt to remedy them before they get worse.

Silence isn't always golden. Talk it out. If you have a problem, address it. I tend to need to internalize my thoughts first, which David respects, but if it's held in too long, room is made for bitterness and anger. This doesn't mean you need to shout at one another, but discussion is key.

Love is a choice, and when we said "I do," we meant it. Daily you make this choice. It wasn't a one time deal, but rather something that you wake up each morning with the intention to love the other. You also must trust that your husband or wife means it. The vows you say you act out daily, and it is vital for the life of your marriage for you to trust that your spouse meant it and means it.

You don't have to leave the house to have a great date. This one is especially important A.K. (after kids). Money, time, scheduling, etc makes actual date nights out hard; however, that doesn't mean they have to end. We've had some great times together in our own house after putting the kiddos to bed. You can even order dinner out, light some candles, and play some jazz to make it more special.

Depending on what stage you're in, what love looks like will differ. In early days of our marriage, love often played out as holding hands and any other oozy-gooey type of romance you can imagine. Not that these things aren't good and don't happen from time to time, but you will find that over time actions like grabbing a damp washcloth for your vomiting other or getting up early with the starving children after a long night are the truest displays of love for that particular moment.

I still don't truly know my other, even after 6 years (but I've gotten a few glimpses). God created each human with such a beautiful soul, and marriage, like every vocation, helps to reveal that. To each other and to the world. After 6 years, there is still so much more to learn about each other, but those peeks into one another do happen. And they are a glorious vision of who we truly are.

Happy Anniversary, my love. As the song we danced our first dance to says, like a philosopher loves to know and a toddler loves a bubble bath, so do I love you.

Here's to many more!

Wedding Photography by Oscar Durand, 

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This post 6 Years of Marriage and What It's Taught Us first appeared on Two Os Plus More on 9 August 2014


  1. I have read this three times now, and love it more each time. Happy 6th Anniversary and here's to many, many more!

    1. Thanks so much for your sweet words, Mitzi!

  2. Love this! I'm totally a silent stewer, too. And unless (after I've processed it internally) I get it out, it can lead to ugliness but it so hard in the moment sometimes to do that. But (I'm learning) I always always feel better after. And for me, trusting that they really mean the love yous is tough but you are so right. Love the pics! Thank you for linking up!

    1. That trust is something we are still daily living out and learning to lean into more each day as well as trying to kill those silent moments when needed. ;)

      Thanks for hosting a great linkup!

  3. Happy Anniversary! Great post! #1 is especially true! And #3 (well all of them!)

  4. Favorite line: " we've both let our individuality die, our one-ness has increased". So true! Thanks for sharing these.

  5. I think the first one, that different isn't wrong, it's just different, is one of the hardest things to accept. My husband and I most certainly do things differently, but I have to bite my tongue and let him do things his way.
    Date nights most certainly don't have to be outside of the house!
    Good to meet you! As someone who has been married for 20 years, you are most certainly in the right frame of mind to have a long, happy marriage!

    1. Thanks so much - congratulations on 20 years! That is something to be proud of. I am definitely still learning the daily biting of the tongue. ;)

  6. Love the different isn't wrong point! You're so right. And yes, yes, yes, on the date thing. Even if we just carve out time to watch a TV show together after the kids are in bed, it's so great. And I don't need to cook dinner for the kids and pay for a sitter and make sure my phone is on while we're out to dinner.... Loved your post!

    1. I am always on the lookout for new stay-at-home date nights. I do appreciate the romance all the while having it fairly easy on the planning and prep side.

  7. Great lessons! I'm a firm believer in weekly date nights--and am also of the mind frame that location doesn't really matter.


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